The happy little trucker

Portrait of Andrew Bridgen by Mr Rushforth

Why is this man smiling, you may ask?

Is it because of his new hat?

No, says our great portrait artist, Mr. Rushforth, it is because he is none less than Andrew Bridgen, the Honourable Gentleman for North West Leicestershire, who recently and single-handedly divined the cause of the nation’s intractable haulage crisis.

Given Mr Bridgen’s previous business experience as a seller of pre-washed vegetables, it’s perhaps unsurprising that he was able to get straight to the very heart of the problem and point the finger of blame at the Labour Government of 2005. A mere fourteen years have passed since then Prime Minister, Tony Blair, personally saw to it that each and every lorry driver in the land was awarded a university degree and as a consequence, lost all ambition for the open road and the whimsical life of the haulier.

Our once great nation, over-encumbered with thinkers and intellectuals, sank inexorably into depravity while lorries, juggernauts and continental artics rusted by the roadside. As our Ministers and their advisers today travel only by private jet, as befits their station, we deem it only natural that such a sorry state of affairs should go unnoticed.

Hurrah, then, for Mr Bridgen! Mr Rushforth is of the opinion that for many of our truck drivers, it may be too late, but almost as resourceful as the Honourable Gentlemen for North West Leicestershire, himself, our artist humbly suggests that for those younger hauliers, who have not yet slipped too far into decadence, one short, sharp application of a cattle prod to the temple should be enough to not only cauterise the offending over-educated neurones but to simultaneously goad these listless individuals back into the driver’s seat.

Please note: this last suggestion is satire!

Andrew Bridgen is a noted Brexiter and member of the mis-named and tax-funded European Research Group